Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
