The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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