You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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