I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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