escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
