is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
