turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
