so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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