I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
