it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
