i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
