the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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