Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
