I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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