McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
