If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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