i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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