Three words: puerto rican gang bang
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
