I am puke
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
