you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
