I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
