Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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