I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
