Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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