Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
