saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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