I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
