Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
