I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
