I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
