our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
