I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
