I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
