i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
