I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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