I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
