lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
