I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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