Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So much rum. So many feels.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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