the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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