Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
