he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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