Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
