So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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