Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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