I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
