Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
