Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
