I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
