I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
