Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
