you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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