watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
