i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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