I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
