So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
