I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
two words...techno handjob
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
