ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
