i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
